parenting

Day 451: First Day of Work

This week was a big week for us.

On Friday, I went to my first work meeting since giving birth. I was super excited to talk to another adult and converse over matters that were important enough to take notes on. Plus, I did all of that while wearing actual shoes. What a treat.

The meeting was quite interesting for the first 30 minutes or so. Then, it hit me.

I missed my daughter so badly. The meeting was an unbelievable waste of time compared to time spent with Hannah. With my notes in disarray and my shoes pinching my feet, I realized with utmost finality that my priorities have shifted. I just wanted to hold my baby.

By the 45 minute mark, I had all sorts of scenarios running through my head. What if the milk I packed for her spilled and she’s starving? What if she’s crying for me and I’m not there so she forgets me? Forever. 

It’s funny how the brain works in situations like this.

Did I mention that I made arrangements for my mom to babysit Hannah and that they were about five minutes from where I was?

A mama’s heart is a strange thing indeed. Having Hannah has inspired me to work harder than ever before. I want her to have a good life and I never want to deprive her of anything she needs. More importantly, I want her to see me as a strong, accomplished woman so she can be better than I am and achieve greater things than what I even dream of now. But at the same time, I just want to spend every waking moment with her. Anything less feels like I’m letting her down.

Can I just clone myself please? Although I have a feeling that might not work either.

 

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