Lowering Expectations


… but still can’t meet them.


Hanging In There


Endless tomorrows, more of the same.

But the fury of today, I can, at least, tame.

Storm-blown forward, unsure of the way.

But I’m here, I’m here. Hold on to today.




To My Son, I Already Hate Your First Girlfriend


I love you so much, Rafiki. Happy birthday.


Mom’s Tired


We all know the joke: moms will only get to rest when their kids are off to college. Cue the laugh track. Years and years ago, before I had kids, or married, or even engaged. I met someone who told me that parenting is a 24/7 job, with no holidays, and no sick days. I kind of rolled my eyes at it, because that’s impossible right? Surely, that was an exaggeration. Annnnnnd…. cue the laugh track again.

My first hint that it was true was when I was cutting the baby’s fingernails at 3am because that was the only time she wouldn’t squirm. It was confirmed countless times since then — when I was at a meeting, sneakily texting asking if the kids have eaten. Also, when I stayed up all night, researching schools and making the budget and scheduling their extracurricular classes. Even when somebody else takes care of them, it’s impossible to turn off being a mom.

These past couple of weeks have been overwhelming. I’ve done nothing extraordinary. I certainly don’t need to do anything that others don’t do, but why do I feel so tired?

Moms of the internet, do you have any tips for me?


personal, writing

An Article on Depression


image via Preview. ph

What is it like to live with mental illness? One woman *ahem* writes about her experience.

“When I send a message, even for the most trivial thing, I word it so that I would be at peace with what I said if it just happened to be the last thing I said to that person. Don’t even get me started on plane rides. It’s a metal tube levitating over oceans. For every physics principle you throw at me, I say MH370.

I go through weeks when I feel like I’m in a haze. I force myself to get out of bed. I force myself to talk. I don’t feel close to anyone. I can feel so exhausted that I hope to disappear in a puff of smoke. There’s so much of me making the effort to do things or feel things that I am exhausted all the time. I would rather sleep.”

Read the entire article here.


My Weight Loss Failure

I’ve been trying to watch what I eat, but it’s such an inconsistent experience.

It’s also very hard to be on a diet when your feelings are in the way.

I know I can burn off the calories by being active so I downloaded an exercise app. The problem is that it takes me 12 hours to finish a 15-minute routine.

If for some reason I do lose some weight, I tend to celebrate too early.

I’ve been promising myself that I will get back to my pre-pregnancy weight for years. For too long now, I’ve been holding on to a certain pair of jeans that I will most definitely wear again once I lose the inches. You just wait and see.

The other day, my daughter put her hands on my tummy and exclaimed, “Mommy, you’re so fat!”

I stood there, feeling shell-shocked. What should I say? What should I do? Should I tell her she was rude and that she hurt my feelings? She was just telling the truth. I mean, I am technically fat. Should I scold her for that? Do I have a conversation with her about how there are some things you should never tell another person? But she’s three. Would she even understand?

As I stood there, debating on how to react, she pressed her face against my stomach and said,”You’re the warmest mommy ever and I love you so much.”

So yeah, I could probably stand to lose a few pounds. But darn it if I didn’t learn my lesson fast that how much I weigh is not what’s important.