Lowering Expectations


… but still can’t meet them.


Hanging In There


Endless tomorrows, more of the same.

But the fury of today, I can, at least, tame.

Storm-blown forward, unsure of the way.

But I’m here, I’m here. Hold on to today.




A Happy Memory If You Have Anxiety



To My Son, I Already Hate Your First Girlfriend


I love you so much, Rafiki. Happy birthday.


Mom’s Tired


We all know the joke: moms will only get to rest when their kids are off to college. Cue the laugh track. Years and years ago, before I had kids, or married, or even engaged. I met someone who told me that parenting is a 24/7 job, with no holidays, and no sick days. I kind of rolled my eyes at it, because that’s impossible right? Surely, that was an exaggeration. Annnnnnd…. cue the laugh track again.

My first hint that it was true was when I was cutting the baby’s fingernails at 3am because that was the only time she wouldn’t squirm. It was confirmed countless times since then — when I was at a meeting, sneakily texting asking if the kids have eaten. Also, when I stayed up all night, researching schools and making the budget and scheduling their extracurricular classes. Even when somebody else takes care of them, it’s impossible to turn off being a mom.

These past couple of weeks have been overwhelming. I’ve done nothing extraordinary. I certainly don’t need to do anything that others don’t do, but why do I feel so tired?

Moms of the internet, do you have any tips for me?


personal · writing

An Article on Depression


image via Preview. ph

What is it like to live with mental illness? One woman *ahem* writes about her experience.

“When I send a message, even for the most trivial thing, I word it so that I would be at peace with what I said if it just happened to be the last thing I said to that person. Don’t even get me started on plane rides. It’s a metal tube levitating over oceans. For every physics principle you throw at me, I say MH370.

I go through weeks when I feel like I’m in a haze. I force myself to get out of bed. I force myself to talk. I don’t feel close to anyone. I can feel so exhausted that I hope to disappear in a puff of smoke. There’s so much of me making the effort to do things or feel things that I am exhausted all the time. I would rather sleep.”

Read the entire article here.


My Weight Loss Failure

I’ve been trying to watch what I eat, but it’s such an inconsistent experience.

It’s also very hard to be on a diet when your feelings are in the way.

I know I can burn off the calories by being active so I downloaded an exercise app. The problem is that it takes me 12 hours to finish a 15-minute routine.

If for some reason I do lose some weight, I tend to celebrate too early.

I’ve been promising myself that I will get back to my pre-pregnancy weight for years. For too long now, I’ve been holding on to a certain pair of jeans that I will most definitely wear again once I lose the inches. You just wait and see.

The other day, my daughter put her hands on my tummy and exclaimed, “Mommy, you’re so fat!”

I stood there, feeling shell-shocked. What should I say? What should I do? Should I tell her she was rude and that she hurt my feelings? She was just telling the truth. I mean, I am technically fat. Should I scold her for that? Do I have a conversation with her about how there are some things you should never tell another person? But she’s three. Would she even understand?

As I stood there, debating on how to react, she pressed her face against my stomach and said,”You’re the warmest mommy ever and I love you so much.”

So yeah, I could probably stand to lose a few pounds. But darn it if I didn’t learn my lesson fast that how much I weigh is not what’s important.




Two-Hour Breathers: Summer Wars

Since becoming a parent, the maximum amount of time that I have without having to run off to do something or attend to someone small and needy is roughly two hours. Those two hours are precious to me, so I tend to obsess over what I’ll do.


One of my favorite things to do is to watch the animated film, Summer Wars. Directed by Mamoru Hosoda, its a great story about family relationships layered under a science fiction plot.

The story follows Kenji Koiso, an insecure math genius who gets roped in by his friend Natsuki into pretending to be her fiance for grandmother’s 90th birthday. Together with Natsuki’s whole family, they work together to stop a rogue hacker program bent on causing destruction.

The story arc surrounding the computer-generated villain follows a familiar tune: artificial intelligence is created, set loose, mayhem occurs. However, Summer Wars is saved from being formulaic is the way the characters are fleshed out.

The characters are varied and authentic in a way that would make you swear they were based on people you know. There is the fierce grandmother matriarch, the uncle who asks inappropriate questions, and the well-meaning but ultimately bumbling cousin. I find myself grinning at how the characters interact, especially around the dinner table, because these are scenes that can easily happen (and have happened) during our own family reunions.

The cat and mouse, save the world plot is entertaining enough, but Summer Wars truly shines when it focuses on how family relationships work. One of the highlights of the movie is when the grandmother’s letter is read. She gives voice to what every parent thinks and hopes for their family.

Summer Wars is sweet and at times, heartbreaking. Watch it with your kids, as an adventure film. Watch it with your husband, to laugh at how Shota reminds you of your cousin. Watch it by yourself to remind yourself of how precious family is. Whatever your motivation, watching Summer Wars is a great way to spend your break, and will leave you looking forward to your next meal with your family.



Head Over Heels

HEAD OVER HEELS from Timothy Reckart on Vimeo.

Have you ever felt like you and your partner are being pulled towards different directions?

Head Over Heels, a stop motion animated short film by Timothy Reckart, takes this situation literally and tells the story of a married couple where one lives on the floor, while the other is stuck to the ceiling. They live in the same house, but share nothing except the space they occupy. That is, until a pair of ballet shoes is discovered and ignites the desire to reconnect.

Head Over Heels is a touching look at how marriage is often a struggle, but love can overcome in the most creative of ways.

(In my case, creativity came in the form of playing World of Warcraft)


Would you be friends with yourself?

It depends on when I met me. As a kid, yes. In my early twenties, not so much. Now, definitely — finally, someone who understands how great my baby is..

Japanese photographer Chino Otsuka’s “Imagine Finding Me” series shows us what happens when you meet your former self. She digitally placed recent images of her into old photographs. It’s eerie, but definitely beautiful.

images from