marriage

Day 352: Why Should You Marry a Geek?

Because only a geek can make you smile by saying something like this :

*Actual quote from my husband. He was a geek way before it became cool to be one.

 

P.S. Know your terms.

via Great White Snark

personal

Day 348: Forgetting to Feed the Baby and Other Baby-Related Fears

We only have a few weeks left before we get to meet the Little One! I am now entering that phase when even the sight of little mittens and socks make me swoon. Were they always this cute?

While I spend a large chunk of my day daydreaming about how awesome it will be to finally hold my baby, I can’t help but have moments when I think I am way out of my league. This is a baby we’re talking about. A tiny, tiny human being. Do I have it in me to take care of this child? What if I am an evolutionary outlier and I don’t have maternal instincts? What if I accidentally drop the baby? I mean, what are my qualifications for taking care of anything in the first place? I had a dog and a tomato plant. I don’t even play Farmville because I dislike the commitment.

The other night, I was up until around 3am because I literally had one thought in mind: what if I forget to feed the baby?

It seems silly, really. My friends have assured me that the baby will not let you forget that he or she is hungry. Your eardrums will be reminded when it’s time for sustenance. But still.

I would be absolutely devastated if I scarred my child for life because of things I did or did not do. I’ve been reassuring myself with the thought that I am not the first woman to give birth. I mean, motherhood has been done before. If others can do it then surely, so can I, right?

But then I think about that time when I scarfed down a bag of Cheetos that I’m not supposed to have. Or that time when I delayed seeing my doctor by five days. Or that time when I forgot to drink my prenatal vitamins. The baby isn’t even here yet and I’m already letting her down.

Everyone has been telling me that all mothers, especially first-timers, experience some level of anxiety. “You’re going to be fine”, they say. My husband, so soothing and supportive, tells me that motherhood is not about doing things perfectly. The baby just needs to be loved.

That’s probably the most reassuring thing ever, because I’m pretty sure perfection is out of the equation. But I can do love. Yes, I think I’ll be able to do that quite well.

marriage

Day 338: Love Letters

My husband gives me the most beautiful letters. The quote above is from one of the earliest letters he sent, back when he was courting me. I memorized it by heart, down to the details of the yellow envelope in came in. Years later, we got married and he continues to floor me with his words, written or otherwise. I am still so awed at how he sees me.

P.S. Letters are lovely.

marriage

Day 333: Thankful Sundays

In a sea of financial obligations, debits, credits, expectations that may either be met or unmet, there are many things that I still need to be thankful for. I spent a large chunk of this week thinking about my decreased capacity to earn because of my sensitive pregnancy, oftentimes feeling guilty because I want to contribute more, more, moreIt made me sad.

This Sunday, I am taking a step back. I’ll rest my everyday in the knowledge that God provides and enjoy the fact that my husband is generous, hardworking, and responsible. We are a team, my husband says. I should learn that being part of this team means that I should be just as comfortable with taking as I am with giving. Give and take, love and be loved. Yes, there is much to be thankful for.

marriage

Day 304: A Note for My Husband

…and I knew it 20 seconds into our first date. I’m so happy we ended up together 🙂

 

parenting

Day 299: Parents Dealing with Parents

Papa!

When I was younger, one of the events I looked forward to the most was opening gifts from “Santa” on Christmas Eve. As part of the tradition, my parents always told me that naughty kids received coal in their Christmas stocking instead of a present. It was a story that that was meant to tip the scales towards good behavior for the rest of the year.

I never really took it seriously. When my cousins and I played to together, I was the one who cried; I was not the one who would make others cry. The coal thing was irrelevant, until I was around five,  when I did get a piece of coal from Santa.

There were still presents, but that coal stood out like a mark of shame.  The most vivid part of that memory was the embarrassment of having to pull out my hand from that stocking, gripping a crumbling black lump.

Years later, when the whole Santa thing has been explained, I asked my parents what I did to make them put coal in my stocking. They said that I really didn’t do anything wrong. They just wanted to motivate me to be better.

This story turned out to be one of the funnier stories of my childhood. However, I can’t say I would pass on this tradition to my own kids.

Papa?

Now that I’m older and expecting my own kid, I find myself disagreeing with a lot of things that my parents say, especially when it comes to advice on parenting and my career.  My parents are the most wonderful parents I know, but the truth is, I want to do things my own way.

It’s a strange thing, this new dynamics. As kids we think of our parents as infallible. As teens, they become strangers then ideally, friends. As an adult, I’m realizing more and more than they are just like me, struggling to do their best. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this realization turns me into a gentler, better child (because no matter how old you are and how different you turn out, your parents are still your parents). Hopefully, my kids will return the favor and forgive me for my own parenting mistakes.

marriage

Day 298: Rare Appearances and Close Encounters

Via 500px

I’ve actually been on bed rest for a couple months now due to some precautions my doctor wants me to take. The little one is way too excited to come out into the world and meet everyone. (Patience should be lesson number one, it seems.) With work out of the question and long car rides discouraged, I’m pretty much the Loch Ness of my circle. My outings are rare and very, very brief.

Yesterday was one of those times that I made the effort to go somewhere. I was under a cloud from being cooped up for such a long time and I wanted to support my husband who was bringing a married couple to speak at his work. In a nutshell, I’m glad I did. I may have developed a couple-crush on them.

My husband and I are really the first ones in our circle of friends to get married. Although we still enjoy being with our single friends, it’s not always easy to stay connected.  The schedules don’t match, the choice of what makes for interesting conversation changes, and priorities shift. I’m learning that these differences are part of the realities of marriage.

This is why I thought meeting that couple was so refreshing. They have been married for much longer and are parents to a young boy.  They are so respectful and affectionate with each other. It was also obvious that they prioritize their family. Those are characteristics that my husband and I are continuously working on to develop and maintain in our own marriage. I felt like I was drinking in all their stories on marriage and child-rearing. I was so obviously thrilled to meet them that it was embarrassing.

One of things the most striking things they mentioned was how they spend their anniversaries. They write down the things that they are thankful for and what they can improve on. Isn’t that a wonderful idea? It so simple but seems like it would be so effective. It would be lovely to look back at how far the marriage has journeyed 10, 15, or even 50 years later since it’s all written down. My husband and I celebrated our first year anniversary a few weeks ago and we’re planning on doing this very, very soon.

To those who are married or are in serious relationships, what’s the most practical tip you have ever received?