Random person: Hey, are you pregnant already?

Me: No, not yet.

This simple exchange is so ordinary that it should not merit a blog entry. Except that it has happened about 15 times this month alone. Random people — from clients to friends, have been asking if I am already with child. Some have even had the audacity to reach out and rub my belly.

At first, I thought it came with the package of being a newlywed. I was all smiles when I would reply in the negative followed promptly with an excited “soon”. Eventually, I realized that it’s because I”M FAT. I gained a monstrous amount of weight since getting married and it’s showing in the tightness of my clothes and the words that fly out of the mouths of people.

me, before marriage
me, after the marriage

12 lbs. may not seem a lot, but when you’re just barely above 5’1″, it really shows. And oh man, does it put on a show. My thighs have been belting out a full on performance.

I mean, come on. People have been asking, nay, accusing me of being pregnant.

So what to do? I shuffle over to my husband and whine about how fat I feel, in the hopes that he will be upset at the absurd suggestion that I gained weight. He then leans over and whispers reassuringly, “You’re not fat. You’re just a little chunkier.”

*head explodes*

I obviously married an honest man.