There are some days when being pregnant makes me feel so beautiful. A new life is on its way and among the millions and millions of women in the world, my body is the chosen vessel. It makes me feel strong. It makes me feel special. I glow.
Then there are days when I just feel like a penguin, waddling to the bathroom for the umpteenth time.
After months of being told that my emotions will probably get the better of me while I’m pregnant, it finally happened. I ended up having an uncontrollable bout of weeping last night.
My husband, looking so concerned, kept on asking me if there was anything I was upset about. I couldn’t really articulate what I was feeling. There was no emotion that stood out — it a jumble of mild insecurity, feeling left out or left behind, and anxiousness. Now, these are emotions that I pretty much live with on a daily basis, even before I got pregnant. I guess the hormonal changes magnified them? I’m not sure. Mostly, I was crying because I felt like crying. It was so weird, I could not stop. It was almost like I was leaking tears. My husband just held me while I simply dissolved.
After about five minutes of sobbing, the tears just stopped. Just like that, I felt okay. It was, to say the least, a baffling experience.
For all those who have gone through pregnancy, is this normal? With or without a baby, have you ever felt sad for no apparent reason?
This simple exchange is so ordinary that it should not merit a blog entry. Except that it has happened about 15 times this month alone. Random people — from clients to friends, have been asking if I am already with child. Some have even had the audacity to reach out and rub my belly.
At first, I thought it came with the package of being a newlywed. I was all smiles when I would reply in the negative followed promptly with an excited “soon”. Eventually, I realized that it’s because I”M FAT. I gained a monstrous amount of weight since getting married and it’s showing in the tightness of my clothes and the words that fly out of the mouths of people.
me, after the marriage
12 lbs. may not seem a lot, but when you’re just barely above 5’1″, it really shows. And oh man, does it put on a show. My thighs have been belting out a full on performance.
I mean, come on. People have been asking, nay, accusing me of being pregnant.
So what to do? I shuffle over to my husband and whine about how fat I feel, in the hopes that he will be upset at the absurd suggestion that I gained weight. He then leans over and whispers reassuringly, “You’re not fat. You’re just a little chunkier.”